St. Luke's helps families grieve, remember babies with photo sessions

Oct. 26—DULUTH — A partnership between St. Luke's and a local photographer is helping families navigate unimaginable grief.

St. Luke's Birthing Center began offering free bereavement photo sessions in March to families who experience the loss of a child during pregnancy or birth.

The sessions, which are offered by Amanda Jane Cane Spilde of JaneCane Photography, capture the moments after a family meets their child. Perinatal loss encompasses any circumstances that lead to infant death, such as stillbirth, miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy, but photo sessions are typically only offered for loss after about 15 weeks gestational age.

Registered nurse Laura Plewa said the bereavement photos can help families grieve the loss, whether they are ready to look at the photos right away or if they come back to them several months or even years later.

"It's very helpful for families, sometimes immediately, and sometimes they're able to reflect on these pictures later," Plewa said. "They have been so comforted to have those mementos for life. Photos are lifelong memories, so they always will have those. It's been wonderful."

Spilde, who is a newborn and family photographer and was already frequently at St. Luke's Birthing Center for newborn photos, said the transition to being on call for bereavement sessions was natural. She also has a personal understanding for the grief the families are experiencing after she and her husband experienced their own pregnancy loss and struggles with infertility.

"It was a role that I stepped into, both with the empathy of understanding grief — not knowing the exact grief these families are walking through, but empathizing with it — and also knowing that this is a service that is so important for their grieving and healing process along the way," Spilde said.

According to the National Library of Medicine, up to 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage before 20 weeks gestational age, and about 1 in 100 babies 20 weeks gestational age and older will be stillborn, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. October is National Pregnancy, Infant and Child Loss Awareness Month.

Spilde said each photo session with families is different, as she lets them take the lead to make sure they are comfortable. Some families want photos with their baby, while others prefer only photos of their child. She's done 13 photo sessions this year, and on average, she will be with the family for about 90 minutes.

Mallory Cummings, a registered nurse and project manager for maternal child health at St. Luke's, said all the families who have been offered a photo session so far have accepted, even if they were hesitant at first. She said as the families get comfortable in the session, they often realize how important the time with their baby is to help them begin grieving and healing.

"It's incredibly emotional to be in that space with them," Spilde said. "There's a lot of thankfulness involved. We often cry together. We're human here. We're going to share those emotions and we know how to interact with them in a way that's supporting them and not making it about us, but we are still empathetic with them in that process."

In addition to offering the donated sessions, St. Luke's also has started a community support group led by staff who are trained in perinatal loss support. Families also receive a gift basket from Blessed with More and several follow-ups from St. Luke's so they feel seen, heard and important during their grief.

"We're also increasing our support and our services in the OB clinic as well, because we acknowledge that not everybody's going to come up to the birthing center when they have a loss," Cummings said.

Birth plans also play an important role for families, both when they experience a loss and if they become pregnant again after a loss. Plewa said there are many concerns and fears that come with a pregnancy after loss, and the St. Luke's team does what they can to keep an open conversation to help address those.

"We care very deeply about these families, and we want them to feel like this is a warm and welcoming place that they can come, before and after," Plewa said.

Spilde, who now has a 1-year-old daughter, said the photo sessions can be really difficult, and she manages the emotions and stress with therapy and moral support from her family and the team at St. Luke's. Plewa said the nursing staff and other birthing center employees make sure to check in with one another frequently to make sure their mental health is managed.

Plewa and Spilde said comforting families during perinatal loss can vary depending on each person's needs, and asking them what they need during the grief process is OK. Spilde recommends acknowledging a baby who has died, including referring to them by name if the child was named.

"This is loss of life, but it's also loss of dreams and hopes and the way that they thought their life was going to look," Spilde said. "It's not a singular event on that day — it's life impacting."

Knowing she is able to help families process their grief and remember their baby has made the bereavement photos a passion project for Spilde.

"I've been doing newborn and family photography for 10 years, and I love what I do. But the work that we've done together here in the last nine months, it's work that I'm proud of the most in my career," Spilde said. "It's different than anything I do in my business and it's in a different light. The work that we're doing here is really important and I think we all feel really proud of it."

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